CDC Medical Alert

Posted on May 3, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

CDC Medical Alert

The Centers for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.

This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever – DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes.

Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

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Problem Saturation

Posted on May 2, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

from the urban dictionary:

problem saturation

A process by which Mainstream Media addresses an issue incessantly, building up to a sense of pending doom. Of course, the problem, while worrisome, does not pose the grave threat they would like you to believe. Finally, MSM abandons coverage of the problem completely, moving on to another problem.

“Honey, why don’t we hear any news about the drug cartels anymore?”

“That was last month’s problem saturation, dear.”

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Great Line About Zombies

Posted on April 30, 2009 by Brian Gallimore


link

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Seven Success Keys

Posted on April 29, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

From Tom Zigler, the son of Zig Zigler, original source here.

Right now with the economic meltdown going on, or not going on, depending on if it’s Monday or Friday, I think we all want our individual success to depend on us, not on the economy, not our employer, and certainly not the government!  So here are a few keys to consider:

“You have to be before you can do, and you have to do before you can have,” Zig Ziglar, www.ziglar.com.   Dad lays it out pretty clearly right here.  Success starts with being the right kind of person first.  Build the proper character foundation in your life, then apply it with great work ethic, and only then can you have the things in life you want.

“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want,” Zig Ziglar.  This is the philosophy that guides your be, do, and have mindset.

“All great failures are moral failures,” Fred Smithwww.breakfastwithfred.com.   Dad’s mentor Fred Smith points out that anytime you see a great failure, it is not because of their intellect, but because of some great moral failure.  The current economic crisis is a perfect example of this.  Greed and instant gratification are the two primary reasons we have a crisis right now.  Isn’t it morally wrong to knowingly encourage someone to take a huge risk?  Isn’t it morally wrong to take a huge risk for no other reason than instant gratification?
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The Old Biker

Posted on April 28, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside..

As he passes thru the swingin’ doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2..25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole’ biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

‘Yes?’ she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, ‘may I help you?’

Th e ole biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering young lady,” he whispers, “are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes”, “Yes, I sure am”.

The ole’ biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, “Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger”.

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The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers

Posted on April 28, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

‘Now,’said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
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Pirate Hat

Posted on April 28, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

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South Beach and Baytown Marketplace

Posted on April 26, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

After sleeping for 11 hours, waking up and doing my laundry, then taking a nap, I decided to venture out and see South Beach. I started out in Baytown marketplace. Lots of little shops and places to eat here. There was a stage with musical performers and more. Lots of tour boats come in and out of this harbor. I wonder how much some of those yachts cost.

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John Murtha’s Pork Laden Airport

Posted on April 25, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

Here is one to make your head explode:

link

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Definitions to Common Words

Posted on April 24, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE: It’s an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

DIVORCE: Future Tense of Marriage

LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either

CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before
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