Fireman Bryson

Posted on March 19, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

Amber snapped some good pics of Bryson in his fireman’s hat.

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Visit to the Dallas Zoo

Posted on March 19, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

Wednesday morning, we took the DART train into Dallas to the zoo. Bryson’s favorite part of the whole day was the train ride. I had him convinced he could make the doors open and close by waving his hands (Jedi mind trick style) and saying “open” or “close”.

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A New Mouse for Women

Posted on March 16, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

I thought this one was too funny to only share with the he-men, so I posted here too. Enjoy! -Brian
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After years of research, scientists have discovered that women do not like the standard mouse given away with PCs. Scientists found that there is not a physical reason for their aversion; It is more of psychological problem.

Some women reported that their mouse ‘just didn’t feel right’ in their hands. Based on the research, a new mouse has been designed especially for women.

Various field tests have been carried out on the new design:

Julie from Oldham said:-
“It feels so much better. More comfortable, more like how it’s supposed to be”

Susan from Ashton added:-
“I think mice were originally designed just for men, but this new type is definitely made for women. It fits right in with my lifestyle”

Hillary from Birmigham :said –
“I took to it like a duck to water, every woman should have one”!

Picture below: Continue reading →

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For Sale: Government Special

Posted on March 16, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

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The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

Posted on March 16, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

WASHINGTON, DC – Congress is considering sweeping legislation which will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,”
said California Senator Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S.Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.

Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement “warehouse” stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
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The Sweetness of Married Life

Posted on March 16, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

The newly weds were only married two weeks, when the husband said to the wife, ‘Honey, I’m going to Hank’s Tavern to have a beer, I’ll be right back’. ‘Where are you going, Coochy Coo?’ asked the wife.

‘I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face,’ he answered. ‘I’m going to have a beer.’
The wife said, ‘You want a beer, my love?’ She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, ‘Yes, Lollipop… But at the bar… You know… they have frozen glasses…. ‘ He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, ‘You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?’ She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, ‘Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors-d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?’ ‘You want hors-d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?’ She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors-d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches. ‘But my sweet hon ey… At the bar…. You know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…’

‘You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP, CHICKEN SHIT. SIT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR HORS D’OEUVRES RIGHT HERE BECAUSE YOU’RE FUCKIN’ MARRIED NOW AND YOUR SORRY ASS IS SOOO NOT GOING TO ANY DAMNED BAR. THAT SHIT IS OVER. GOT IT, DUMB ASS?’

And they lived happily ever after. Isn’t that a sweet story?

MARRIED LIFE…………MAKES MY EYES TEAR UP.

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Appleseed Weekend

Posted on March 15, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

Lots of story to tell, but it is too late to do it now… so check back for more. Here are the pictures.

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Bryson’s New Shoes

Posted on March 13, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

When Bryson and I were alone yesterday, I brought in the things I had been hiding for Amber’s birthday. I accidentally left a pair of shoes that I exchanged in one of the bags. When I was pulling the items out of the bags and placing them on the table, Bryson spotted the small shoe box and somehow knew they belonged to him. I went into another room to get the wrapping paper, and when I came back, he was sitting in the floor with the opened shoe box, trying to get the shoes on his feet. I cut the plastic off and put them on his feet, he wore them the rest of the night.

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E-Mail in a Fortune Cookie

Posted on March 11, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

Bryson thinks that the message in a fortune cookie is e-mail. Maybe his parents spend too much time on the computer?

link

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Animated How-To Tie Knots

Posted on March 11, 2009 by Brian Gallimore

A co-worker who has a son going through the scouting program turned me on to this great website that has a bunch of animated instructions on how to tie a bunch of different knots. Very cool stuff. Check out the one handed bowline and the Alpine butterfly.

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